Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
