We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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