There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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