Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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