i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
