If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
