I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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