Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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