I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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