how can u be prego again
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
