How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
