Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
