i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
