you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
