a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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