one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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