Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
