Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
there is glitter all over my balls
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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