you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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