He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
