Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
