does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Text me some of your sweat
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
