God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
