we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
