i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
