Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
