i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My vagina is officially offended.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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