I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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