Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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