I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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