I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Vodka?
Forever.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
