Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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