Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
