dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
