Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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