i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
