just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
smell my finger.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
