he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
