I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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