I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
