My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
how drunk are you?
Several
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
