Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
