two words: eviction party
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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