You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
