Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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