yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
