your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
