are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
