My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
