Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I need a hoe opinion
go on
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
