new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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