I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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