I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
