jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you're hired as official boob wrangler
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
