His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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