I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
